I have a contemplative prayer
book that I use on a regular basis. Topics vary from affirmation, thanksgiving,
Christlikeness, intercession and such. Today’s was confession. UGH!
Seeing how the Lord got me up
at 5:00 a.m. (!!!), I figured He had something in mind. Like some real digging
in deep with this topic of confession. So I grabbed my journal and started
writing. Sins, huh? Well, I named one or two… then I really started scribbling
along. When I slowed down to look at what I was writing, I realized I had
composed an in-depth listing of excuses. Lord, this is why I sin. He wasn’t
buying it. And persuaded me to get back to looking at my sins.
I have not been loving to all
kinds of neighbors as myself. And worrying about what others might think of me,
especially if I make a mistake. Never arriving to a place of contentment
regarding that.
To repent, I guess I need to
choose right now, to not live that way anymore. Sounds like a huge undertaking
that will never be perfected. Don’t know how to begin except to trust in God
and to somehow grasp His love and acceptance of me. Me. God loves me, all of me. God loves me and it doesn’t
really matter what all these other humans think. Some do love me and some just
don’t. That’s the world for you… you need to stick with God as Your main focus
and do and be what He desires of you. Don’t worry about an entire lifetime. Just
do the next right thing. Love God and love the people in your sphere of
influence. Let go of the weighty baggage of people-pleasing and puffing
yourself up for your need of equality (or superiority). Return to the thoughts of being safe in God’s constant presence. Just as you are - today. I
share a piece of my prayer time with you:
O Lord, help me to find peace in following You. I
believe I am pleasing You in this very hour. With the Spirit’s help, little me can please You –
again and again. I can please You by drawing strength from Your Spirit to feel
safe and secure in any situation because I am trusting in You and I am completely
filled and satisfied with Your love for me. Please, Lord, embed that into my
heart and head. Help me to set down the burden of protecting and defending
myself from real and imagined hurts. May I find that perfect rest in Thee, safe
and secure in Your 100% love for me. May I breathe unrestrained now. May any
arrows of shame or embarrassment not go deep into me. You are my Protector and
Guide. Guide my thoughts away from that which is not centered on You. Help me
to loosen all these fearful binds.Too many thoughts. Too many unsettling thoughts.
Convince me, Lord, that I am precious in Your sight. Protect me from self
destructive thoughts that make me feel less than I am. No matter what people
think or say about me, no matter what I think or say about me, I am still and
always a beloved child of God. And so are they. May God-pleasing be my sole
quest and reason for being and living in this moment and the next. God honoring
above all else.
I humbly share this because I
believe I am not the only one carrying this kind of cross. This confessing and
seeking morning time has indeed brought some anchoring peace into my day. Ahhhh…
Read the prayer a second time from your own heart and surrender your heavy
burdens today as well.
God loves you and so do I!
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