I haven't been myself lately

© 2018 Julie Crane All rights reserved

Unsteady. Wobbly. Uncertain. I sure miss my normal, comfortable routine. That basic structure I had to my days and weeks, while allowing flexibility as I deemed necessary.

But now for the benefit of all - I am living under much different circumstances. Much of it out-of-my-control circumstances. For the sake of others, I am limiting my own free will, participating in a greater good.

For the greater good.

I know many of us have been spending whole days with messy hair, no makeup and switching from our nighttime pajamas to our daytime pajamas. In this we have transitioned quite well. And yet the bible calls us to:

clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ (Romans 13:14)

clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience (Colossians 3:12)

clothe yourselves with humility toward one another (1 Peter 5:5)

For the greater good as well.

We've been finding new and different ways to show love during this pandemic. It may indeed feel like we've been clothed in something else. How else would we be able to exhibit such patience and kindness beyond what we could have ever imagined before? Where does that strength come from?

I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, Who has given me strength, that He considered me trustworthy, appointing me to His service. (1 Timothy 1:12)

As I long for my old comfortable routine, I am reminded once again:

You are not your own; you were bought at a price. (1 Corinthians 6:20)

I haven't been myself lately.

Maybe it's time to realize I am a part of a whole. Not just say it sincerely, but to be more consciously aware that I have a God-purpose for being in the here and now. A real and divine purpose. (But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you My power and that My name might be proclaimed in all the earth. (Exodus 9:16). It's not all about me and my comfort zone and ordering my life as I see fit.

Ouch. Those are some painful words to write out. Even as I write, I'm trying to think of a more comfortable and appealing way to share them.

But those are God's words and not my own.

One minute I'm joking about daytime pajamas and the next it's some very sober thoughts about living under God's rule. Loving all others, despite the circumstances. Spreading the love of Christ around as we ought and not just when we feel like it or when it's convenient. That His name might be proclaimed...)

I haven't been myself lately.
I am not my own.
I am God's.
And Christ's ambassador.
As though God were making His appeal through us. (2 Corinthians 5:20)

I am a servant.
I am an instrument.
I am clay.
And I have a calling. God-assigned things to do.

Perhaps I am learning that my selfish self needs to take a back seat for it is also written as a reminder to us:

He must become greater; I must become less. (John 3:30)

Lord, help me to NOT be myself today.
Clothe me with compassion of Christ, the kindness of Christ, the humility of Christ, the gentleness and patience... of Christ.
Day time. Night time.
Ordinary times. Inconceivable times.

Clothe me with Christ.
What a humbling thought...

I had cancer

Four years ago, I was on a cancer journey. I'll never forget it. But the memories of comments I made during that time keep popping up on one of my social media accounts.

I do remember considering the fact that I just might die from it. Yes, I cried. Yes, I was angry. Fearful too. But I resolved right then to pay attention to the kind of legacy I would be leaving. I wanted faith, trust and hope in God; peace and love - to be my banner. I would rest in the Lord. Be confident in Him. In reviewing my memory posts, I hope I conveyed that to my family and friends. The picture you see above is of a garland made of all the love, support and encouragement messages people sent me when I first found out. Those thoughts and prayers carried a lot of the burden I felt at the time.

Back in 2003, I went through the bumps and bruises of a divorce, at the same time as caring for my mom dying of cancer, at the same time as my only son was preparing for a tour of duty in Iraq. Numerous other problems piled up on top of all that regarding my health, home and car. Yes, I cried. Yes, I was angry. Fearful too.

Yet a dear friend kept telling me to say aloud and repeat as often as necessary, "Even so, I will trust in the Lord and praise His holy name." I spoke those words over and over - every time a new dilemma arose. My mantra to seeing myself through. Once again, letting Christ rise and shine in this life of mine despite all the problems.

And now we find ourselves in the midst of a world wide pandemic. Yes, I cry. Yes, I am angry. Fearful too.But my thoughts return once again to - what will my legacy be? How will people remember how I journeyed? Did I forever rant and rave the whole time? Panic. Fearful. The whole time?

Or will I again speak the words given by that dear friend:
Even so - I will trust in the Lord and praise His holy name.

For we are to God the pleasing aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. (2 Corinthians 2:15)

Holy Ground Moments

© 2012 Julie Crane All rights reserved

Ahh... coffee with a friend. Chatting. Laughing. Lazily passing time. Watching the world go by.

Those were fleeting moments at the time. Simple pleasures. I appreciated them then, didn't I? Surely I thanked God for such gifts, didn't I?

But may not have pondered, held so dear, or relished the profound nature of the gift - it was from God. Priceless moments. Were they holy moments? Holy ground moments?

One definition of holy is: considered to be special because its connected to God.

Sitting here alone... drinking my coffee... missing all those things I once took for granted. I am rendered speechless with longing. So many God given moments, many simply "always there" expectations - now upon reflection during their absence - really were holy ground. I could taste and see that God is good (Psalm 34:8)

My eyes have since been opened.
Everywhere I look - abundance. Gifts. Blessings. I am surrounded. God's love is in everything. I won't be caught under-appreciating God's connecting to me again. Look around. Consider it all to be special because it is connected to God. From God's heart to yours.

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation... (Philippians 4:12)

God brings the holy. The special. The gift of Himself.
Every good and perfect gift is from God (James 1:17)

It wasn't the actual ground Moses stood on that was holy - it was the presence of God (Exodus 3:5).

Times like coffee with a friend - will surely be more appreciated, cherished and remembered as gifts from God. In solemn awe, Lord, I will remember You.

Thank You, for holy ground moments.

Thank God for bible stories!

© 2012 Julie Crane All rights reserved

I've been giving the story of Noah's ark a lot of thought and consideration lately. I mean, really... can you imagine being stuck inside with your family and animals?

Genesis 7:24 The waters flooded the earth for a hundred and fifty days.

Oh my!

Chapter 7 verse 4 mentions it raining for forty days and forty nights. Noah was told about that. They were not aware there would be an additional 150 days of everything covered in water and they would have to remain in the ark. They didn't know how long to prepare for this unbelievable circumstance. They couldn't see how this was going to work out. Would anything ever be the same again?

They must have had a million questions for God. Build an ark, herd the animals, gather food? How will I provide for my family? What about education? What about my neighbors? And for how long? How is all this gonna happen? And let's not forget the big question: WHY. It's just too big a challenge! We won't make it! How is all this going to get done? Need a hint?

Pairs of clean and unclean animals, of birds and of all creatures that move along the ground, male and female, CAME TO NOAH and entered the ark. (Genesis 7:8-9)

Whew! One thing off Noah's plate. But what about everything else? Is God going to help - with everything?

Can you imagine the anxiety and stress? Can you imagine the hope and trust in God needed? Will God supply the faith to survive such an event?

The rains came.
The waters rose.
The time of waiting and wondering began. I wonder how they passed their days - on the ark - just the family and animals. 

But then it happened. Chapter 8 says that God remembered Noah. It says the waters receded. They weren't able to jump off the ark right away and start living again. But signs came. They watched the raven fly away and return. They watched the dove go and come back with an olive leaf. Even after the dove flew away and did not return, still they waited for a signal from God. Even though it looked safe. Hmmm... I wonder what they learned, what they realized spending all that time in the ark. What do they now know about God that caused them to wait even though it appeared to be safe to go on land?

There are times in life when all you can do is wait. Wait for God.
And during the waiting, maybe we should seek Him, seek Him with all our heart.
And listen for His voice. His direction.

Maybe there's more to this bible story. A life lesson we could use right now.