Holiday Sensitivity

It wasn’t that long ago really… when I wanted to bail out of celebrating the holidays. It is true. I was newly divorced, my mom had recently died of cancer, and my son was on his way to Iraq. Thanks, but no thanks to all this “cheerfulness”. I wanted to stay in my apartment and wait for the season to pass.

I will tell you what happened to me… then maybe someone will come to mind to you – where you can step in somehow – and maybe not fix how they’re feeling – but at least be more sensitive to how they’re feeling. Because these upcoming holidays seem to demand family connections and memories. Consider that when you meet someone at a gathering who has never been able to bear a child; or an adult who is not married. A single dad. Think about people suffocating from the news of a cancer. Or the loss of a loved one and this is one of the many “firsts”… And there are people far from home who can’t afford to go visit or who have no family to visit, or buy gifts for… for many people, life in these times are increasingly distant from the Norman Rockwell paintings of long ago.

 

When the “wounds” are fresh, it’s hard to know what to say and do:

• Be patient with yourself and the world.
• Thankfulness will return in time.
• It’s okay to grieve and be sad and miss and mourn and cry. I support you in this for as long as you need. (and mean it)

But please don’t disconnect from this person. You can bring some light into their life. A little light does amazing things – certainly more than no light. “Flying solo” through a trauma can seem like the best idea – you’re focused on this sad thing…Not getting out with others seems like the easiest, but it is also a hard, lonely way to live. Even in sad times, you need an intermission, a respite. I’ve read that one of the biggest overcomers to loneliness and depression is to get out and do something for someone else. Giving can heal your heart.

 And maybe, just maybe… they’ve gotten to the point where they are sick of thinking about sickness or absence or missing… and just don’t know how to move from the numbness to something new and fun and happier.

 So, let’s brainstorm and share some ideas to consider. Because we all know people like the ones I’ve described above. I would welcome your comments below on what we can do for those needing the love from a different kind of Christmas.

Oh, yes! My story. My rescuers were a couple of gals who decided we should have a Christmas tree decorating progressive party. That’s right… I thought the same thing. But we went to each other’s houses (in between stops for coffee and chocolates and other treats, oh MY!) and we  decorated trees all day long and checked out all the ornaments and tree skirts and different styles. At the time, I didn’t have a tree, lights or ornaments – but bless her soul! – somebody had everything I needed in her basement and lovingly, willingly, gave to me. And I still have those ornaments. And although, I’ll admit, it didn’t really change my state of mind immediately, looking back I see that it did get me over the hump… and I now have fond memories of a time when what I had planned would have been sadly short of the new memories God wanted me to have for Christmas.

That’s my story. It won’t work for everyone. So let’s hear from some others! What do you think we should try this season to love and include all peoples? Together we can make a difference!