The day before

 

 … and He began to be sorrowful and troubled. (Matthew 26:36)

 

I have my first oncologist’s appointment tomorrow. They will probably explain test results in more detail and together we will lay out the treatment plan best for me. It will include chemotherapy and radiation.

 

Through a little bit of reading and a whole lot of listening to others who have gone before me, I realize that everybody’s body reacts differently to the treatments. What is a side effect for one does not necessarily mean I will experience the same. Some people lose their hair … and some do not. So while it is nice to be able to hope it won’t and think positive, good thoughts – there is also a need to process and accept that fact that it may indeed happen. I need to spend time thinking through that possibility and somehow become at peace with it in advance. The same is true for sickness, loss of appetite and tiredness. One friend said ice cream (my all-time favorite thing!) tasted like wet clay in her mouth. Another was able to keep working throughout her treatments. So again, there’s a chance I won’t turn into a couch potato and an equal chance that I should probably prepare myself for a season of rest and being not as productive as I think I should be. What a roller coaster of thoughts and feelings! But tomorrow it begins. I’ll have the footprint, the plan, and begin the walk I’d rather have the Lord take from me.

 

I wonder what thoughts Jesus had “the day before”. He knew what was coming. He knew He had to go through it. He knew He would come out on the other side. Did He think about hope? Did He think about preparing His mind, heart, attitude for the certain events ahead of Him?

 

Is my walk similar to His? Is yours? I have a feeling He understands all that's on our plates …