I stopped praying

I know, I know! I've been a Christian for quite a while now. And I'm a preacher's wife, for crying out loud! Shouldn't prayer be as effortless as breathing by now? Yet I found myself in a place where I just couldn't pray anymore. (Now, to clarify, I mean I drifted from my regular routine of starting each day off with some "only God" time. I was still calling out to Him throughout the day with 15 second popcorn prayers.)

I stopped praying. My list of concerns over others grew and grew. More names added than lined out with a PTL. And I had my own ongoing, personal issues. Seemed like I needed to use up my morning quiet time with less bible reading and more whining / pleading. Who wants to hear that every morning?

I tried gratitude. Really I did. But it felt like some rote script about food, clothing and shelter.

I dreaded mornings. I dreaded feeling like there was so much to be sorry about to God:

• not praying
• not regular bible reading
• not lifting others up
• feeling sorry for myself
• being selfish
• not trusting in God enough

My imaginings of how God would respond got bigger and bigger.

Then a heavy, weighty concern over a friend came - crushing my heart.

And I HAD to pray. NOW. It woke me up. Early, early...

I had to go to the One Who hears prayers and answers them. (Psalm 66:19-20)

To the One Who is close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18)

The God I've always known is still faithful, loving, kind and good. Despite my lapses, God is forever faithful in character.

So I did open my bible and prayed the words of hope, life and strength I found  into this friend's situation.

All my worries about guilt and being frantic with concerns - did not come to mind. What I found was a good, good Father with comforting reassuring arms . My heart rate settled. My overactive mind settled. I slid down in my chair and put my feet on the coffee table.

Has it happened to you?

Not reading your bible anymore?

Too guilty or distracted to pray?

I have swept away your offenses like a cloud, your sins like the morning mist. Return to Me, for I have redeemed you. (Isaiah 44:22)

... I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. (Matthew 11:29)

(Love)... keeps no record of wrongs. (1 Corinthians 13:5)

God of wonders - indeed.

God of love - yes!

Who among the gods is like You, Lord? Who is like You - majestic in holiness, awesome in glory, working wonders? (Exodus 15:11)

Who is a God like You, Who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of His inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. (Micah 7:18)

Taking an "only God" time can be healing, strengthening and assuring.

Now I'm only sorry I stayed away so long.