I will rise up

© 2012 Julie Crane All rights reserved

Are there days when you feel like you just can't get it right? Whether it's dieting or parenting or just trying to be a good person... my heart starts off in the right place but I can't always seem to get it to play out in my actions on a regular basis. Sometimes it feels like real work. And sometimes, I feel like just quitting. Giving up. Saying, "This is who I am." Flawed. And failing every day at something I think is important.

But I rise up.

Every morning. I confess to God that I have not loved with my whole heart. That, in fact, I have not surrendered my whole self. For an example,  I have struggled with the battle of eating for comfort or boredom. I win some days and lose others. But it's a daily battle. Surrendering to God to be "Lord of all" feels near impossible. It, too, is a daily battle. I'm afraid of my weaknesses. I forget about His power and strength offered and available to me. I'm afraid of trying to surrender and failing yet again. But something in my heart and head says, "Just keep trying." A hundred attempts says more about me and my belief in God than giving up ever would. I really need to put more focus on the God-presence in everything instead of the "me" in everything. Watch, wait, be aware of the living God all around; calling us every time to a deeper, richer understanding of His character. What He has purposed no one can stop or hinder (Isaiah 46:9-11) And what He has purposed is great - beyond our understanding.

Start believing God can do things. Amazing things. Impossible things. Ask for impossible God-sized things, knowing surely the Lord will do it if it means advancement of His kingdom. (Having people know Him and love Him - isn't that what He wants?)

I will rise up.
Because it's important. Because my heart won't let it go. I can't shake it. Despite my shortcomings of moodiness, sharp-tongue, and laziness, I still want to try to be more like Jesus. I still want to stick my neck out there and try to experience Him, try to proclaim Him, and have others sense Him. 

So even though I fall short, I will rise up. Again.
To be that ambassador for Christ. (2 Corinthians 5:20)
To live a testimony of His love, forgiveness and grace.
Yes. I will rise up. Yet again.